. Memories of my life : being my personal, professional, and social recollections as woman and artist. id not causeme flny disappointment, as I had (piite expected things to belike this. Several persons had protested in my favor. CamilleDoucet, who was a member of the jury, had argued a long timefor me to have a first prize in spite of my bad recitation. Hesaid that my examination reports ought to be taken into account,and they were excellent; and then, too, I had the best classreports. Nothing, however, could overcome the bad effect pro-duced that day by my nasal voice, my swollen face, and m
. Memories of my life : being my personal, professional, and social recollections as woman and artist. id not causeme flny disappointment, as I had (piite expected things to belike this. Several persons had protested in my favor. CamilleDoucet, who was a member of the jury, had argued a long timefor me to have a first prize in spite of my bad recitation. Hesaid that my examination reports ought to be taken into account,and they were excellent; and then, too, I had the best classreports. Nothing, however, could overcome the bad effect pro-duced that day by my nasal voice, my swollen face, and myheavy flakes of hair. After half an hours interval, duringwhich I drank a glass of port wine and ate cakes, the signal wasgiven for the comedy competition. I was down as the four-teenth for this, so that I had ample time to recover. ]\Iy fightinginstinct now began to take possession of me, and a sense ofinjustice made me feel rebellious. I had not deserved my prizethat day, but it seemed to me that I ought to have received itnevertheless. I made up my mind that I would have the first prize for 86. SARAH BERNHARDT IN THE HANDS OF HER COIFFEUR. I DECLINE MATRIMONY AND WED ART comedy, and with the exaggeration that I have always put intoeverything, I began to get excited, and I said to myself that ifI did not have the first prize I must give up the idea of thestage as a career. My love of mysticism and weakness for theconvent came back to me more strongly than ever. Yes, I said to myself, I will go back to the convent,but only if I do not get the first prize ; and then the mostfoolish, illogical strike imaginable was w^aged in my weak, girlsbrain. I felt a genuine vocation for the convent when distressedabout losing the prize, and a genuine vocation for the theaterwhen I was hopeful about winning the prize. With a very natural partiality I discovered in myself thegift of absolute self-sacrifice, renunciation, and devotion of everykind—qualities which would win for me easily the
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