Comments on his feelings about his relationship with Mary Bilton ending. Transcription: ?ǣThere can be no disparity in marriage so great as unsuitability of mind and purpose , ? and let me lay it to heart. The thought has been much with me of late, Were we wed, should we be happy. I fear not. I could not go twice to Chapel on Sundays, and once on week days. I could not wallow in texts and tracts. And it would be so, and a far crueler disenchantment to her past image thus, than now. Reason and love plead in vain, the blind owl-like cry ?ǣBehold the book ? deafness the one, and for the other a
Comments on his feelings about his relationship with Mary Bilton ending. Transcription: ?ǣThere can be no disparity in marriage so great as unsuitability of mind and purpose , ? and let me lay it to heart. The thought has been much with me of late, Were we wed, should we be happy. I fear not. I could not go twice to Chapel on Sundays, and once on week days. I could not wallow in texts and tracts. And it would be so, and a far crueler disenchantment to her past image thus, than now. Reason and love plead in vain, the blind owl-like cry ?ǣBehold the book ? deafness the one, and for the other alas! Oh Mary [Bilton], have I not loved so deeply, so faithfully and long that like the air you breathe you give no thought or thankfulness for it. Why have I loved her, and why do I ? my innermost heart I know she is not as I feign to myself. It should have ended ere now, long ago. Never more ? never more to think of, hope for and love her ? never more. I will write as I think ? and if it must come, well I ?ll end it, and live Alone. I have done it and can endure the like again. I can ?t cast again ? have no heart to do it, but life has pleasures yet. I can read, think and travel, and so time will glide on till there ?s an end of more taking thought for the morrow. 18. Tuesday. [William] Barth called. Out with him, called at [William] Roberts and left the mahogany block. Then to [177] Canal Street, and accompanyed him part of his way, meeting Fred Anderson. Returned to dinner. Afterwards, with Cross and Atchien the Chinese out for a drive in the buggy. To an Iron foundry at the back of the North River, where I made a sketch of Halls drilling Machine, for Cross. Returned alone, along the brink of the river. Atchien upstairs with self and [Alfred] Waud during the evening. Imbibing ale, and looking at pictures to his great content, also displaying his queue for our admiration. A very simple, merry, and noticeable Celestial is he, and knoweth English tolerably. His Title: T
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